My Baby Blues

I have a very beautiful baby girl, she is the apple of my eye and can easily bring a smile to my face. However, I have been suffering from mild depression since she was born (if not a little just before she was born, if I'm here to speak the truth).

I have a skill that has both helped and hindered me through life... I have a great ability to shut my emotions off, put a smile on my face, and get on with the job. Whilst this has many virtues in a workplace environment, particularly sales, it can really be a blockade when trying to seek help with any emotional turmoil. . . Such as post partum depression.

I have tried to open up to a few different people about my issues, however the responses are far less than helpful. They include:
- "but, don't you love her?"
- "why don't you just pop some pills?"
- "you're not a single mum"
- "I've seen you smile"
- "but, you're such a good mum"
- And the worst, was just completely ignoring the fact that I'd even spoken and changed the topic!!

The sad thing is, I'm not seeking a miracle cure, I simply just want to be understood. The odd, "it must be hard" would certainly not go astray. Maybe, it is my own fault, and I've stretched myself to thin... But, isn't that was is expected of us, the modern day woman? I cook, clean, bake, study, garden, look after baby, do the finances, and I return to full time work in a week just to top it off.

So, what exactly is it that I want? I want someone, and not just anyone, but a loved one, to listen. I want someone to offer me some free time, despite how selfish it makes me feel. I want the misconceptions of weight loss and breastfeeding to stop. I want the judgement to stop. I want the nasty little comments to stop. I just want to be heard, as the person that I am, and was, before I became a mother. I want to be treated as a whole human being, not a thing that just feeds and looks after the infant. 

I want to feel comfortable in my own skin, with my own thoughts. And I want the same for every other mother.

For now, 

Chantal